Kaasedhan Kadavulada

"Dooode!! Are you ready to be thrashed? Bewarrre". The threats from my colleague, who is from Bombay, only increased in frequency since that first call. He seems more excited that Chennai made it to finals than me. Immediately, plans were made to watch the finals together duly accompanied by more threats of 'thrashing', 'clobbering', 'smashing' and other superlatives that only war-mongering American Presidents can think of.

Soon after our PC offered to resign following the Maoists attack, which was categorically rejected by our Honorable PM, a member of Twitterati (which is no way related to the Illuminati, lest Dan Brown gets all too excited about writing a book in which Robert Langdon reveals the truth behind the covert operations of the BCCI/IPL with trip to exotic locales such as the BCCI's head office in Mumbai aided by cutting edge technologies such as the MRF blimp) has been asked to resign. My glee at the guillotine that has been falling can be expressed only to some extent through words. Scenes of Modi's head & hands wedged between the wood waiting for the guillotine to fall (even as he tweets from his Blackberry "@unsuspectingmedia: i wonder how individuals & companies had so much money to spend on ipl teams. fishy isn't it? ;) " ).

As this year's edition of the grand circus draws to an end, Modi has redefined the very definition of commercialism. The viewers have been caught unawares with the modern technological marvel that the blimp is. The sheer awesomeness of it is mindboggling. I, like million other viewers, was wondering after the first few matches what is so special about the balloon suspended 100 feet above the ground. But the organizers cleverly withheld the secret till the semi-finals. After impatiently scratching around for 3 matches and 12 time-outs, it eventually dawned on me. It is amazing. The MRF blimp is the first ever object in the time-space continuum to be there at a location; yet not quite there. The camera kept panning out to the giant screen on the ground which shows the blimp every now and then, even as Sivaramakrishnan and Danny Morrison croon in unison with ecstasy on sighting the blimp. Obviously, the blimp is over the ground as per the assertions of all the commentators yet it can be seen only on the giant screen! Awesomeness. In fact, the blimp is so popular that people are flocking stores to get a model that can float around their living rooms.

Meanwhile, as the Overlord of the IPL sinks deeper and deeper into the quagmire, there are great expectations that the entire cricketing structure is going to be revamped. By cricketing structure, we are referring to the people who can make the big bucks and rub shoulders with Mukesh Ambani, Siddharth Mallya (No, it must be Vijay Mallya, I think, because Siddharth Mallya is only seen rubbing shoulders with Deepika Padukone) etc. There are even some preposterous rumours that Ravi Shastri would be given an important post. Maybe a good thing. If he can shout at the franchise owners half as much as he shouts during the toss then running the IPL would be a piece of cake. But Modi is reported to be unfazed as of now, challenging the BCCI to try and sack him as the IPL commissioner. With nobody seeing any light at the end of this tussle, the prescient Sachidhaanandha Swamigal (now that he doesn't have to attend training sessions till the finals because of injury on his hand, suddenly finds that he has lots of time on his other uninjured hand) has predicted that the IPL will overcome the crisis. But there are reports that Modi is showing no signs of let down. In fact, for the closing ceremony of the game (which would be yet another grand ceremony that usually begins with pledging for green, blue, pink and all other color coded environmental benefits and ends with spectacular fireworks display and 1 million kW of electricity consumed for the lights and the show) it is believed that Modi will make a spectacular appearance by descending from the 'Technological Marvel' MRF blimp (complete with a cape and everything thereby laying to rest all doubts of his perceived superhuman qualities) and would declare the entire tournament a grand Citi 'Moment' of Success.

So amidst all these distractions the focus shifts to the DY Patil stadium (which is staging the 10,347th match in the last 3 years) after the bomb blasts in Bangalore stadium 'forced' the organizers to shift the venue to the safest city in the world where the spectators known for their knowledge of cricket will come in full attendance for the neutral matches (Take that you dumb Chennaiites). Here is hoping Sachin is fit to play (otherwise even if Chennai win all the bloody Mumbaikars and Maruticars will be saying 'only because He wasn't playing') and Chennai thrash them and execute on Mumbai all the other forms of mutilations that my Mumbai (or Bombay. Whatever dude! It doesn't sound half as cool as Madras) friend talks of inflicting on the CSK team. If not, then I would have to wear that stoic face only a 'rathathula Chennai oori ponna' people can pull off and say "Its ok dude, it was a good game, I am happy that we came to finals, so many positives, Vijay, Ashwin, etc." and then to quote Dhoni's "from the semis it is just a lottery..".

P.S.: Watching people like Gavaskar, Shastri and even Bhogle struggle between the by-now well honed instinct of praising anything Modi-sque and then refraining because of the controversy he is in right now is amusing. Bhogle 'aathu aathunu aathifies a sorpozhivu' on Cricinfo where he half assails Modi and then retracts to shower praises on how Modi single handedly made IPL into a behemoth etc. Only because he is still on the payroll of you-know-who. All hypocrites, I say.